I think of myself as a pretty hope-filled person. Most leaders do. But in recent years, I’ve become more easily discouraged.
Maybe it’s the social and political divisions. Maybe it’s part of getting older. Sometimes the unfaithfulness among God’s people gets to me. Sometimes it’s fear of failure. Sometimes I feel the expectations of others over my shoulder. Occasionally, people I trust hurt me in some way. And every few years a pandemic happens.
Whatever the reasons, discouragement is not an unfamiliar acquaintance, but more of a houseguest who comes around too often and stays too long.
Discouragement Surrounded by Joy
When I was pastoring, there were plenty of reasons to criticize my leadership. But I recall one particular church member a few years ago who was careful to show kindness to me when he interacted with me. He would even trade niceties in the foyer. While sitting through my sermons, however, his countenance was not so nice. And he consistently undermined me with other people outside of my presence.
The Lord was working, the congregation was responding, and I sensed a wonderful freedom of the Holy Spirit, but that man’s no-face just sat right in the middle of the room. He didn’t ruin anything, but his presence shook my faith just enough to make me squirm.
Like a disgruntled church member, discouragement can sit quietly in a congregation of joy mocking your faith in a God who is with you and has promised to be with you to the end of the age.
Someone has said, “It not what happens to us that marks our lives, but how we respond to what happens to us.” So how can we respond to discouragement when it becomes all too familiar?
It’s my hope these three practices will help you as much as they continue to help me.
Name it.
For much of my adult life, I refused to admit to God or to myself that I was discouraged. My prayers were adamantly ones of gratitude and hope. I rarely, if ever, gave myself permission to lament, to be sad, or to admit my courage had slipped even a little.
I thought good leaders didn’t complain. I thought spiritual leaders pressed on without flinching.
The Psalms, however, tell another story. The Holy Spirit moved King David to write words like this,
I am weary from my groaning; with my tears I dampen my bed and drench my couch every night. 7 My eyes are swollen from grief; they grow old because of all my enemies. Psalms 6:6-7
David was a political and military leader, yet he regularly grappled with the enemy of discouragement. Rather than denying it or “sucking it up,” he called it out and gave it to the Lord. Although distraught, he chose to trust God with his darkest moments. It was not faith over fear for David. Instead, it was faith in the midst of fear.
Turns out, my refusal to lament was not great faith after all. It was actually a refusal to trust God with the heavy lifting. It stonewalled the Holy Spirit’s activity in the deep places of my heart. As a result, my spiritual growth was paralyzed and my ability to lead others toward intimacy with God was hindered.
So instead of pretending you’re not hurting, name it. Take your discouragement to the throne room of God, and like the old hymn says, go ahead and “have a little talk with Jesus.”
Receive it.
We often greet friends with the question, “How’s it going?” It’s a polite way to show interest in one another. And there is the hope that everything is going well, but everything is never always going well.
I quote the late evangelist and Bible teacher, Ron Dunn, often. He said, “Good and bad run on parallel tracks and they usually arrive together.”
The experience of life is mixed with successes and setbacks, health victories and unexpected deaths, family joys and family sorrow. It’s all there all the time. The illusion of health, wealth, and undefeated seasons is only manufactured in the obscure corners of our idolatrous hearts.
Jesus promised trouble in this life. The apostle Paul wrote about his battle with a thorn in the flesh, which turned into a wrestling match with God. He asked, and asked, and asked the Lord to remove the burden only to be told, “No, but…my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Power in weakness is not in the bestselling leadership book. Social media posts don’t tell that part of the story. Few gurus include the benefits of weakness in their online course. Our political heroes do not stitch, “Strength in Weakness” on their apparel. Few leaders tell us that the first step toward kingdom impact is a step backward.
The point is that we unintentionally tee ourselves up to be surprised by discouragement when in fact discouragement is not an outlier at all. Instead, it is an essential ingredient in the sanctifying work of God in our lives.
In the providence of God, we need discouragement. It’s through our tears that we see Jesus more clearly. It’s through our travail that he trains our hearts to trust him. It’s through the setbacks that we meet him, feast upon his presence, and experience his power.
Leave it.
You probably remember Winnie the Pooh’s friend, Eeyore. He never got past his melancholy. So much so that his name is now used as an adjective describing a person with a gloomy disposition. Whenever we carry discouragement with us long enough, it begins to define us.
Back to the apostle Paul. His thorn in the flesh never left him, but he did leave discouragement behind. As we keep reading in 2 Corinthians 12, we find these statements:
You ought to have commended me, since I am not in any way inferior to those “super-apostles,” even though I am nothing (v. 11).
Look, I am ready to come to you this third time (v. 14).
I will most gladly spend and be spent for you (v. 15).
Although challenged by this personal struggle, he did not shrink back from the ministry the Lord had given to him. When he was a weak leader, he discovered that he was strong one.
Discouragement is real. It can often lead to chronic depression and even despair. If you’re in that battle, reach out for help now. Family, friends, pastors, and counselors can help you walk through the dark nights of the soul. Don’t go it alone.
Breaking Free.
As real as discouragement is, and as many of us need the help of others to find healing and hope, some of us, however, simply hold on to discouragement because that’s who we think we are. Fueled by some version of the Stockholm Syndrome, we grow attached to Eeyore Our Captor. We get used to being the underdog.
We find that people work around us, and we like that. They don’t expect as much. We also find a following. Misery still loves company. So, we start to lower our expectations of ourselves. We give ourselves a pass, sabotage potential successes, and then call it humility. When in fact, we are not walking humbly with our God at all. We’re just settling for the spoils of defeat rather than living as more than a conqueror in Christ.
Jesus has secured your freedom from the bondage of sin and every entanglement of sin, including discouragement. So lead yourself, trust God, and leave it behind.
The Closing
I’ll finish with this verse, again from the apostle Paul:
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
A mentor of mine often says, “There is no asterisk at the end of that verse.” There are no exceptions, no circumstances outside of God’s good work in us. So take heart. While pain hurts and discouragement challenges our faith, we can trust God works in all things for our good and his glory.
(Photo by Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash)
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